One of my first jobs out of college was being a “social media manager” for small businesses.
I worked my way to having about 11 clients, paying my rent with my words, and creating social media posts, blogs, and newsletters for a wide range of clients.
At first, the job was fun. It was cool to learn about so many different businesses, experiment with what I might want to do for myself, and of course, I loved writing and getting paid to do it.
But over time, I started to resent freelance writing. I ran out of ideas. I mean — how many different posts can you really make about trucking or digital marketing?
It was getting dumb, and I wanted to be able to run my own social media, control the posting schedule, and generate my own income through my own products.
Over the last few years, I’ve done this.
But it’s come with a cost. Let’s talk about anxiety, content creation, and the hidden cost behind self-employment.
You’re anxious because you’re overstimulated.
Wake up. Open your phone. Respond to a few messages. Open Instagram. Scroll. Watch reels. Close Instagram. Open Twitter. Scroll. Like a few posts.
Repeat.
Open the computer to start working. On another tab, open social media. Check your email. Check your other email. Refresh it all.
Write some content. Post it. Check the performance. Compare the performance to last week’s content.
Often, when I am working, this is what my morning looks like. When I was doing social media management and copywriting for a living, this was my daily life.
Constant notifications, constant refreshing, and constant stress.
My obsession with digital reality was high and my ability to be creative was declining.
This led to anxiety, burnout, carpal tunnel, and more.
The best cure for artistic depression is expression.
For me, the root cause of anxiety is what I am leaving on the table.
What if I don’t perform my best? Don’t live my best? What if I don’t work my hardest?
What if some sort of roadblock stops me from everything I’ve ever wanted?
It’s kind of a dumb fear, but it’s really specific to me.
I struggle with anxiety about the life I could live. I fear resistance, wasted potential, and worst of all, just not being god enough.
So what is the cure?
It’s hard to say. There are a few that I can think of.
More of the right work — Anxiety thrives on inaction. The time spent not living in the way you’re supposed to live and not doing what you’re supposed to is the easiest way to throw a rift in your mental health.
Acceptance of what is — A part of growing up is becoming who you are, but a more important part of it is accepting what you are not. You cannot be everything. Resources in this world are finite.
Express what’s really on your mind — When I write honest work about things that I’m really thinking or struggling with, my brain feels lighter. When I have to write “content” about things I don’t care about, I struggle.
When you are struggling with your creativity (artistic depression), the key is honest expression.
In the same way that honest talk therapy can help a depressed or anxious person, honest expression can help an anxious artist.
You need to be paying less attention.
Forget the news. Turn off the TV. Put the blocker things on your apps. Don’t check them right away.
Get obsessed with a niche hobby. Maybe you should sew, read all the Lord of the Rings books, or try to make your own kombucha.
I mean, for crying out loud, do anything but listen to the bad news, obsess over your friend’s chaotic lives, or compare your happiness to theirs in new ways every single day.
You need to be getting lost: in ideas, worlds, and the people right in front of you. The things that matter need to matter again. Stop losing yourself and start getting lost.
The modern mental illness is anxiety and nearly everyone who struggles with it struggles because they are caring too much. No one is too anxious because they don’t give a fuck.
As Mark Manson says, stop giving a fuck about the things that aren’t fuck-worthy (paraphrasing). Stop caring so much and start expressing and obsessing over the things that actually bring you peace.
I don’t know anyone who found themselves by watching CNN.
Closing Thoughts
The problem with becoming a content creator is that you are inevitably going to expose yourself to a lot of content.
Overstimulation is a direct symptom of this career.
Content, when consumed constantly and without regulation, is certainly a cause of anxiety. It’s not the only cause, but the lifestyle of constant creation and consumption is stressful for anyone. It only gets more stressful when money is involved.
The hardest part about being an artist or a creator is that your income is directly tied to your brand, and your brand is directly tied to you.
When things aren’t going so well (and we all have bad days), it can feel like the reason you are doing well is because you are not enough.
This is enough to cause anxiety or stress in even the most level-headed artists.
I provided a few solutions that have helped me in the words above, but I’ll be honest — this is something I still struggle with at times.
What helps you when you’re dealing with anxiety as a creator?
Thanks for reading another edition of The Modern Writer!
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